June 28th 2003
Our sales team was chosen to visit a foreign country against my better judgment. Rather my fear.
Sales is something I enjoy doing within reason of course and this certainly seemed to be without reason. Do you recall in High School when we exchanged Foreign students? Well this crazy idea came up from certainly the bowels of our Manufacturing Human Resources people. And to Iraq of all places. I am thinking someone isn't thinking here. Seems they decided to be the "undertakers" of this grand new idea for peace and harmony between countries. Why me? Although throughout history people have said why me as they are on some battlefield, be it cancer, or some terrible accident that leaves them paralyzed, or Human Resources trading sales teams with Iraq. P-l-e-a-s-e!
My standard of living is quite lucrative and I rather enjoy it, but to the place of harm? No...yet all involved have reassured me all will be well in the Middle East for this trip. I am thinking, all is never well in the Middle East. Hope is I wont be the lucky one to run into Saddam or that other bearded person, Osama bin Laden. And of course I don''t suppose they would allow a gun to pass through any airport. I am known for my dry sense of humor during stress related issues. I remember the days back in Texas when I was selling late at night or even during the day in the back woods with the longhorns. I packed a pistol indeed. Times have changed...crime is up and guns aren't allowed to protect one's self I don't think. Or if one does protect oneself, one ends up in the "Big House" named criminal. Why you can't even have your child kidnapped anymore, or else you, the parents are the guilty ones! Such a world we love in when it comes to judgment. A new trend infiltrating our country indeed.
Back to the Mid East Peace Plan Human Resources USA. My company! Yes I tend to be somewhat bold and that is why I am good at what I do and on flight from New York to Paris and then on to Baghdad. My heart was beating so hard on that last turn I questioned my intelligence once again causing anxiety to show it ugly uncircumcised head. Not that I never had second guessed myself before. Breathe I said to myself. The other fellows didn't seem as emotional about our quest as I. But then they were Men and I was a Woman definitely. And a blonde woman. I had heard from a close friend who married a Muslim Man that they love blonde's. Especially American blondes with a slightly larger darier. Oh good, I will be sought after by Muslim men in a foreign rather unfriendly country as I am selling my "wares". Isn't this an 8x 10 glossy? On the other hand possibly I would be sparred my life because of my "other end." I could live with that.
We were greeted at the Baghdad airport, which had been nearly destroyed during the recent bombings. Seeing it from the air left nothing to the imagination. Even the pain and fear came through the rubble. I started to feel something other than my usual self. I started to feel their lives. I was becoming one with Iraq before ever landing. All the time secretly wondering if the others I was traveling with were feeling any of these true emotions. The men were quiet as I... We were escorted into a black Limousine. Not those long stretch Hummers like back home. More a snub nosed classier version. We were taken to one of the only hotels left standing. Once inside it was breathtaking. The tile work and gold inlay all about us spoke of immense wealth, yet this city that donned the spirit of hope thru God was in a shambles. What did anyone expect us to retrieve from this city in despair and destruction. Surely God had a plan somewhere amongst us all. Were we his 2500 piece puzzle? But what if he wanted to place the pieces and we didn't let him! Another fine mess we'd gotten ourselves into, eh Ollie?
At this point in time I wasn't being anything but somber and somewhat confused and intimidated by feeling quite the minority. Many of the women were still covering their faces with Berta's. They didn't have to since the war, but fear still gripped many of them. American soldiers were everywhere. Some taking this much more serious than others which is normal of this human race in any situation. More than once I wished I had one of those black garment Berta's to cover my entire body only to expose my eyes. I wanted to hide. Hide wouldn't happen to me, in fact we were being presented to the heads of the company we were playing foreign exchange salesmen with. The feast presented us was next to unbelievable. Huge festive bowls of every fruit imaginable. Wines served in gold goblets. Gold on every item we touched everywhere. Kosher meats, nuts, seeds, dried fruits, pickles, a large variety of homemade breads and much more. I was in awe of this presentation for us.
I also found the people very accommodating towards us and I was starting to feel very at home, when into the room came a much older man. His hair grey/black with fairly long dreadlocks. He was quite charming yet seemed frail in Spirit...he was dressed of wealth and conservatism. Almost as though he didn't belong there. His eyes came toward me several times with such depth and honor of me. My mind was having some trouble understanding the look he gave "into" me. Trying to avoid his look I eventually overate myself into a stupor. The wine certainly didn't add anything to that I am sure. He disappeared as quickly as he appeared leaving an immense sense of "who was that man?"
Later I found myself in the most majestic quarters. The closest I have ever seen to this was on Lives of The Rich and Famous. This must be a dream. Reds and purples. Gold everywhere. Velvet sofa's and brocade chairs. Marble floors with gold inlay. A high bed surrounded by walls of beautiful soft and gentle yet magnificent satins and velvets hanging from the ceiling to the floor draped back with tassels set for a queen. When I pulled the covers back the smell of soft sweet incense was breathtaking...the sheets were like lying on cool velvet, yet they were imported cotton. As I lay my head on the pillows I knew I belonged right where I was. This had to be of some divine intervention that I was where I was. Bathing in this comfort led me into a deep and peaceful sleep. This night was a memory I would be allowed to savor always.
Morning came. I found myself showering in gold. One rock wall framing a waterfall on one side of the shower...the rest gold. Like I could see myself in the gold walls. The most intimidating yet marvelous shower I can say I have experienced. My human body felt smaller in being than those dead gold walls of riches. Wondering of my shallowness at this point, yet knowing I am here for some purpose. What? Yet I didn't feel shallow, only missing some ingredient I couldn't put my mind on.
The day brought much fun mixed with sadness. Trying to overcome this city in ruins was more difficult for us as Americans, then the Iraqi sales team that had lived thru it. We were to be working with these wonderful people, but were overcome more than once by the devastation. The schools, the churches, the factories, the highways, the water system, you name it, it was affected. I knew the Iraqi's visiting America were just as in awe as we were. Yet in different ways. Maybe they would chose they're devastated homeland to the over-rated freedom we experience. Sometimes too much freedom is as bad as none, or not enough. Where is the balance? I believe we were learning that and more on this journey. At least I was.
Later that evening one of the government officials came to speak to the head of our American Sales group. Something seemed quite amiss, along with my stomach. We were never told what the high ranking secret was. At least the others weren't told. Jack, our sales leader came to me in private later that evening. He had been asked, "told," that a certain gentlemen would like the presence of my company later this evening in his quarters. Oh my God! What would I do? To refuse is a blatant insult. Possibly to his country, as well as him personally. Did I have to go? Jack informed me I did. I was to find out later that the answer no wouldn't be accepted.
I was led to Ari's room. I was frightened, confused, and very quiet. He looked at me for some time. Those same eyes of his soul I had seen during the welcoming feast. I was told I could leave after about thirty minutes. This visiting session went on every night for the duration of our trip. In the beginning he silence was difficult. After a couple days, Ari spoke to me, and I to him. He appeared to be an ill man, yet seemed to be coming more alive with each of our visits. He spoke of love in ways I had never experienced. Where had he learned such depth of love?
He was passing these teachings onto me and I was receiving them. Even tho I didn't care for the dreadlocks, I was able to see beyond them. The wisdom he had, I wanted, or at least wanted to share. He asked me to lay with him. I did. He loved me without becoming one. His love and wisdom emanated my being. It was as though Ari and I were not of this evil world. We had traveled to a place many never get to sense. A place beyond earthly flesh beings.
Back in my room I longed to be in the heart and arms of this man, Ari. Was this the reason for my journey? What now? As I lay thinking of his touch I passed into sleep. The next day I awoke to believing this all to be a dream stemming from the magnificent surroundings of the Hotel with its majestic interiors of gold and grand food. Maybe I had eaten something that caused these deliriums. Yet there was Ari to greet me with a gentle good morning..In his own language he called me his beautiful woman. Again we lay for some time bathing in one an other's love. Later that day I began thinking how could this work? Then I didn't care, I just knew it would.
The day we flew out I couldn't find Ari. I was frantic with search, yet I had to leave. My visiting pass was up which meant if I stayed I would be held in contempt of travel and detained in a foreign country by its officials. Ari, where are you? We must make a plan, Ari Ari.......Ari. As the plane took off my eyes welled with a flooding mixture of agonies. The pain, loss, sadness, and despair were almost unbearable. Did he use me? No. That was not what we had! Yet I didn't hear from Ari for three months. I left sales and went into a business caring for children. I had lost my boldness and drive and I was not the same sales leader and business woman. Ari's love removed, left a deep scar on my heart. It touched every part of my life. As love truly does. Without it we have little. I was without it. My Mother could see I wasn't the same as before my trip to Iraq. She inquired as to my duress, and I told her the story. She asked me if I had tried to contact Ari. I had. The lines of communication to Baghdad are very limited. I had also tried writing with no response. I told Mother I would even wear the Berta if necessary to be with Ari. Mother was in shock. She left my house that day rather speechless as she realized the extent of my desires, what could she say? I had fallen deeply in love with a gentle man from Iraq.
About a week later on a Friday my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone in particular. I answered the door and almost sank to the floor as it was Ari. I jumped into his arms and we held tightly to one another. I didn't even think to say, Why? Where?What? Nothing. I just held on to him. He told me he needed heart surgery and had come to America to have the surgery which was tomorrow. He told me he would return for me. He wouldn't let me ask any more and he walked away. I had regained my trust in him although I didn't understand why I couldn't be with him through all this.
Ari returned after his healing time. He assured me the love we shared got him thru and healed with no complications. When he came to my door he came with hundreds of gifts. Beautiful gifts for my family and friends, and the little children. It was bigger than Christmas. It was almost as magnificent as the Hotel I met him at in Iraq. Ari pulled me to him and told me of his undying love for me. He told me either I came with him to his country now this day, or he would return in January to be with me in my country. I was speechless. This man I had met a six months ago was sickly and frail in spirit with unkempt hair. Our love had transformed him spiritually as it had me. I was looking at a stunningly handsome deep tanned man with clean cut hair and deep loving dark eyes. I guess my friends Mother was right. Those men do love women with blonde hair and a bit larger darier. I asked Ari to give me a few minutes to think... I walked into the other room while Ari played with the children. Suddenly from no where was a very pretty Iraqi woman and small child in my home. She just starred at me expressionless. All I could think of was Ari. Did he have a wife already? Was that her? Oh Lord God of all, please lead and guide me here. She never spoke...only looked deep in my eyes as Ari does. The child seemed quite content and quiet playing on the floor. At that moment I knew I had to fight for what I wanted and that was Ari. No matter who she was. I left her and the child in the room and ran into his arms.My thoughts were I would deal with her later and believed she left out the back way. I told Ari the decision was his. I would leave with him today or wait for him to return. He said with the state his country was in at present he would prefer my safety for now. He would return to me in January. By the way, I found out ...the woman and child that were visiting me in the other room of my home was Ari's wife and son. They had been killed in a bombing a few years ago. I knew then her spirit was there to push me towards Ari knowing I would love him forever as she had intended to.
