All those self help books are in the trash! Either my mind has metal plates surrounding it or I was birthed a stupido! I carried a deep beyond words love for one man from the age of 27 until last month. I carried that love through two other marriages. Not that I didn't love my "hubbs" plural! I have heard we all have the "first love" or "soul mate" love in our lives. Personally I have come to learn we can love more than one person but in different ways. I could go into a long love story here that lasted "three years to life" (some call that a sentence)......ad to it all the ups and believe me the downs....add the children hurt.....the flights back and forth from Oklahoma to Wisconsin every week.....the heart pounding races to the airport with what seemed like movie star red carpet meetings at the entrance gates bounding into the warm passionate arms of one another then building further to gentle yet firm kisses for all to view. Never knowing anyone else was in the building. Carrying luggage, sharing meals, drinks, loving tenderly....dancing closely, laughing uncontrollably, and best of all looking into one an others eye's seeing the reflection of only one of two. We shared a Deep love indeed. I have heard that money is the root of all evil. Pain could be included in that circle of adjectives regarding pain. Grief too. The world says true and honest Love is all good and pure. So there you have my story, all "tied up," there I go with those wonderful puns again...I love my puns! Basically my story is tied up in two sentences or even two words. Love or Money. He chose the money and I was left with the grief and pain. I thought I should die. Long story again.... humm maybe some day I shall have more time for believe me this would be a great book. The tall dark and oh so handsome cowboy, and I shall add, rich cowboy too. He purchased for me a brand new 19 (never mind it would show my age totally) something burgundy and white Grand Prix. Asked me to marry him...... I hear it was something about his "Daddy" that stopped the gentle deep love, the travel, the red carpet meetings, the marriage, the everything, in our tracks. In a motel outisde a dusty small town in western Oklahoma, where he was instructed and sent to give me the family decision, we sat on the edge of the bed and sobbed together like two children. Daddy chose new tracks for my fiance, and I felt like a homeless bum left in a box car on those lonely tracks, alone to die. A lost Love can make a person feel like that. Yet as the years past he was always that little box of a dream I could go to when I needed. He was a photo in the second drawer of my jewel box and a chapter in my life book page 266. He was not my God but he was one of my earthly treasures I always hoped to meet again whether at age 80 on earth or in love in the heavens hereafter. Over the years we spoke by phone a few times, even met once. Oddly the man I did marry lived in a small town in Texas where my love built and opened a business one mile away from our home. Oddly?? I would say. He had moved from his lifelong home in Oklahoma to this city in Texas. One mile from me. I moved from Wisconsin to one mile from him. And by then he had more children and so had we. The next time we spoke he had 14 Grandchildren and I had 6..... I knew then heaven was about the only place we might ever be together at again. Yes I am laughing. On occasion during a boring evening at home I would Google his name. Yes I did! And finally one night I found pictures of he and his family...all six children, the Grands, his still living Mother.....and Jackpot, I found one of his daughters on a Face Book site. He is bald and I barely recognized him. Looking at his photo I could still feel the warmth and safety of his arms and the softness of his lips on mine. Whoa, hold it..STOP SIGN! They love GEORGE BUSH! My heart dropped at my computer desk...my dreams smashed, my hopes lost, my years of deep wanting and memories crushed like a mile wide tornado came onto my screen and into the furrows of my mind and left me empty. Crap, now that's twice I am left empty by this fellow. My fault...I could have kept my delusional dreams and fake security forever if I hadn't hit that keyboard or joined face book. Now I don't even have a fake memory of a deep love and all that shit! Why I wouldn't even want to be with him in heaven because he might be standing next to George Bush! He donates allot of $ to George Bush! See the money won out again in the end.... the money even took my fragile dreams. I say I deserve it all back a hundred fold but with real love this time! So the moral of this love story is that it really wasn't. Be careful what you pray for because they say you might just get it! Bye R.C. it was a "hell" of a ride. God I love my puns. (By the way, his wife is Really Really LARGE!) Too bad so sad....
