Boobs That Speak! by Julianna Rowe, aka Diane Ogden

 Boobs That Speak............... by Julianna Rowe, aka Diane Ogden

Okay, so don't you think the boobs on this page are speaking? They are Madonna-type boobs.  And Oh-eM- Gee, look at those girdles.  God said to gird up your loins, and some designers totally misunderstood.  Not sure what the good book says about boobs...  oh yeah.. in Solomon:

Your breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.  Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes are the pools of Heshbon by the gate of Bath Rabbim. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon, looking toward Damascus.  Your head crowns you like Mount Carmel. Your hair is like a royal tapestry; its tresses hold the king captive.  How beautiful and pleasing you are, O love, with your delights!  Your stature is like the palm, and your breasts are like fruit clusters.  I said, "I will climb the palm tree and take hold of its fruit." So may your breasts be like the clusters of the vine. The fragrance of your breath is like apples.

Well, let me say those breasts inside that armor do not appear like fawns, or twins of a gazelle, or clusters of the vine.  You think?  I wore a bra similar to that in high school, and I wore a girdle, but it had separate leg openings. In fact, I wore it to Prom, where it was not removed sometime after midnight like most other girls' girdles were.  Or am I lying?  I can’t imagine getting that thing off anyway  in the back seat of a 57 Chevy.  If I remember correctly, it looks or feels like putting your trying to put your hand into a single-finger cot.  Or like trying to put your car in the dryer...for lack of a better "splainatory." You could get one leg in and then forget about getting the other one in.  It had to be two at a time, and then pull up with all your might.  I know that is what caused my back issues. LOL.   

 And check out the price.  $7.50.  Nothing costs $7.50 anymore. I can't buy a pair of socks for that price.   Or a dozen organic eggs.  Or a bar of good chocolate. 

Whoever came up with such nonsense for us women.  Who? Who said it was okay to truss women like a workhorse?  A good bra (brassier) is one thing, but bullet shooters an altogether a different deal.  I am surprised Christian Grey didn't use these girdles and brasseries on Anastasia Steele in 50 Shades of Grey.  That is how I view them.  Like painful equipment before sex.  Yup......just like Prom for millions of girls back in the '50s.

 I was searching for some photos from the 40's (I wasn't born then). Yes, you were. Okay, so it was the LATE 40s, and I ran across these two pictures I knew I would have to save for a blog post.  And here it is.

 At least the latest in girdles are not painful.  They are called SPANX...  hum, back to the 50 Shades of Grey again!   I seem to have hit on something.  Yes, I read the book and watched the movie. 

Notice the caption under the photo below:  "YOURS FOR A GLORIFIED LIFETIME.”  L O L  And then under that line, it says:  With LIFE'S magic fit, all the way.   I am laughing silly at how they put these words together. Keywords are just like on the internet now in 2023!  MAGIC, ALL THE WAY (back in the 50's, when a person heard "all the way," it meant sex.  Hey, did you guys "go all the way?"  It meant intercourse.  No, that is the truth.  Cross my heart.  Funny me, that's the name of a brassier.  Wait, it's Cross Your Heart—more keywords tuned for more significant sales. How about one called, Cross Your Fawns?  I better not be making funnies about the Bible.  Erase Erase

Until next time, be safe, be happy, and get rich so you can buy Spanx.  They don't hurt.

Later's