The Edge of Crestview A Novel by Julianna Rowe

The Edge of Crestview....." A Novel and property of Julianna Rowe

I will be sharing daily or every few days another chapter of my novel: 

 

THE EDGE OF CRESTVIEW

     by Julianna Rowe

Written:  May 11, 2000

Rewritten on October 7, 2017, 2019, and again in 2022. 

                                                                    Introduction: 

      Crestview was a beautiful mansion with a backyard cascading down a mountain's slope outside Los Angeles, California.  Heavy bricks like giant ladders braced the home from sliding down the hundreds-foot slope.

Within its walls lived the high fashion, well-to-do lives of people searching for the same goals and holding the same demons they passed on to me.  That invisible cloud of cells would lead me through many difficult times before I understood “their” impossible dreams had not come to fruition and therefore had latched onto me, the weak child.  And when I eventually did, I could let go of the anger, fear, and pain.  I  replaced it with pity for the very people who had haunted me with "their" delusive dreams.  Who hid their atrocious backgrounds and behavior behind the pretty walls of Crestview.   They are the only touchable and untouchable force to put any blame on.  Yet the lie within its borders would live on even after the death of it and its people.  The party then moved on to another, then another.  The Spirit of Crestview would only die through time and the wisdom or its origin.... and of course, having the willingness to learn.  My spirit led me through the pain and into the truth but not for many decades.  I found the anger, strife, and horrors inside Crestview's walls evil, as well as the money that covered up its sins.

It is written, "The truth shall set you free."   But before that could happen, I allowed my life to be controlled and manipulated between the victim role and the rebellion it birthed in me.  Rolling back and forth from submissive and compliant to non-compliant is simply the root of rejection.  This verbal equation would be the constant of my life for at least forty-eight years.  I was taught amid my trials; "When the curses are gone, the blessings will flow."  I couldn't find my curses as evident as they were.  They had become a way of life.  My eyes were blinded to what they saw.  For many times vanity obscured my sight, blinding my existence and/or expectation of life.  I drew in what I was.  I attracted similar spirits and blew with the wind, never being in touch with my inner person.  I needed balance.  The pendulum would sway and cause a wild ride of life for many years until I understood the victim of the Crestview generations within the swirls of my mind.  I no longer needed to rebel, yet before the wisdom came, the storms were severe.  As time moved more swiftly than I realized, I began to hear the soft inner voice of God or the Spirit.  I had a line of emotional thunderstorms that would swell up and hold their own, drowning out the wisdom from that authentic inner voice.  The part of me still somewhat detached from the rest was growing up, yet independent and waring with my authentic self.  That part attached to others for security and a sense of love, even though a twisted mind.  I was no longer a child, crying over everything and demanding, but instead of the teenage mentality "fairy tale princess" with no castle, fickle, and looking for an external domain rather than my own internal spirit.  Emotions wanted to lead. And the fear of abandonment held steady its ground. When I was a little girl, I'd talk to myself.  I would figure things out, calm myself down, and comfort myself like I was my only best friend.  That voice of comfort was the emotional voice that took over my life.  It became tough to distinguish the authentic inner voice from the emotional voice because the latter was always looking for an answer elsewhere.  It took many years for the emotions to catch up with the mind and join the spirit as one.  But real beauty came from the ugliness of the generations of pain handed down mentally to me on a silver "mental" platter.  When this occurs, there is no limit to what we can do with our lives.  I am proud I can now hear from the inner spirit allowing me the opportunity to relay this wild ride in the form of a novel.