This is for my friend who needs a little push to understand.
You cannot.
A narcissist has one ultimate purpose for a partner in a relationship - to absorb everything they don’t like about themselves. You are their dumping ground for their negative inner feelings because they are incapable of processing their own fallibility and regularity.
The narcissist must feel special, unique, better in a relationship. They must feel they are higher to their partner. Therefore, once the partner has been lovebombed (emotionally secured), the narcissist will initiate the long cycle of devaluation.
A narcissist’s inner pressure grows over time. Work challenges. People challenges. Envy. Rejection. Lack of attention. Not getting their way. Like a child, as this pressure grows, it needs an outlet. In the case of a child, they hit their sibling, or color on the wall, or throw a temper tantrum. Act naughty and lash out. The child does not possess the emotional reasoning and self-reflection skills to process their discontent, jealousy, or boredom.
A narcissist is an emotional child. It does not matter how much you love them or how well you bend to their wants or desires. This is a very, very hard concept for partners to accept. It goes against everything we know. You can do nothing to stop the impending storm. You will be lied to because the narcissist feels like it (coloring on the wall). You will be ignored and given the silent treatment. You will be criticized and belittled because they feel vulnerable or annoyed and it has absolutely nothing to do with you. You will be cheated on because they want to prove to themselves that they are attractive and special. You will always be less than them. You will be strung along through inconsistent crazy-making behavior and you will survive on breadcrumbs when they have good days and decide to ‘reward’ you. It will be enough to keep you hopeful. A hope that will not be realized.
There is no safety in a relationship with a true narcissist. You only will stay for as long as you endure the whole of who they are inside.
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