The Stink From the Dollar Store..................by Julianna Rowe

I get up early, fix my lunch, take the dog out, not in that order.....do a resurrection on my face, dress....watch the awful news....check facebook of course.... emails and whatever else pops up. 
I pack my "Grannie Cart" with supplies for the day, the lunch bag, purse, and possibly a garbage bag that needs taking out, lock the door, open the elevator........Oh My Gawd!   It's bad enough when someone passes inner air...(farts) in an elevator then gets out and leaves it there for the rest of us! Not to mention someone else gets in and thinks I or YOU did it!  But this was worse.  Farts don't take my breath away, well maybe they do depending on how much Mexican Food you have devoured the previous day.  So do farts take my dogs breath away?   (I don't  think so, but of course I don't do that in front of my dog anyway).  Sure, right, Rita!

I surveyed the area thinking the cleaning people may have used some new "crap" from the Dollar Store when cleaning the elevator!   Hey when you/me have had over a 1/3 of my/your lung removed Dollar Store products are NOT on the list of good for me stinks.  And this stunk. 

I come home from work that day eight plus hours later.  Pack my "Grannie Cart" at my vehicle with the groceries I purchased along with a bottle of DeWar's Scotch as it had a $5 coupon off until the 30th.  Walked to the elevator, pushed the UP bottom and when the door opened there it was again!  A gallon of febreze must have spilled or the cleaning people purchased from the Dollar Store.  I pulled my shirt up over my nose and mouth so I could continue living till the dang electric box elevator got me to floor ONE.  I escaped alive.  Unlocked my apartment door and entered only to see my little dog begging to go outside as usual.

I picked her up and we headed for the entrance of the apartment building.  Opened the final door and got hit with the gallon of FEBREZE from Mexico or China immediately AGAIN.  And there sat the culprit.  A 93 year old man that lives on 3rd floor and grumbles about everything all the time.  But this day he was grinning happily.  My little dog was sneezing over and over and I was dying! 

The old man smiles as he holds up a black bottle and says, " Can you smell my cologne? I been spraying it all around."   (Yes you have been you dear sweet old fellow.)

I responded, "Yes it is amazing!"  (I wanted to say NO SHIT SHERLOCK! But of course I did not.) Bless his Gosh Awful stink.  He was so proud.

He said he was waiting for his girls to come and witness the changes in his WILL.  I smiled as I opened the outside door to the building hoping to relieve myself and my dogs lungs of a sure death on the spot occurrence.  Jeez I didn't know when you got old your smeller went too!!  He obviously couldn't smell his overload on small town apartment USA.

We go outside and my little dog continued to sneeze for a half a block at least.  I shall Pray the old fellow stops spraying the elevator and front entry or maybe I will pray he drops it in his third floor apartment and it breaks.  I just remembered he has a fancy little red sports car which means he would just go buy more.  I guess I wont pray about it after all, I will just give it to God and hope for the best like I do everything anymore.  Once you have had cancer that's what "cha" do.  Guess come to think of it the smell wasn't so bad as having part of a lung removed.  I'm good. Thanks for listening.