"The Edge of Crestview....." A Novel and property of Julianna Rowe

I will be sharing daily or every few days another chapter of my new novel:  

THE EDGE OF CRESTVIEW

     by Julianna Rowe

Written:  May 11, 2000

Rewritten  October 7, 2017  and again 2019 

                                                                                                                                                      Introduction:                                                                                                                                                                Crestview was a beautiful mansion with a back yard that cascaded down the slope of a mountain outside Los Angeles, California.  Heavy bricks acted and appeared like huge ladders as they braced the home from sliding down the hundreds foot slope.

Within its walls lived the high fashion well to do lives of people searching for the same goals and holding the same demons they passed onto me.  That invisible cloud of cells would lead me through many difficult times before I understood “their” impossible dreams had not come to fruition therefore had latched onto me, the weak child.  And when I eventually did I was able to let go of the anger, fear, and pain.  I  replaced it with pity for the very people who had haunted me with "their" delusive dreams.  Who hid their atrocious backgrounds and behavior behind the pretty walls of Crestview.   They, being the only touchable and untouchable force to put any blame on.  Yet the lie within its walls would live on even after the death of it and its people.  The force then moved on to another, then another.  The Spirit of Crestview would only die through time and the wisdom or its origin.... and of course having the willingness to learn.  My spirit led me through the pain and into the truth but not for many decades.  I found the anger, strife and horrors inside Crestview's walls evil as well as the money that covered up its sins.

It is written, "The truth shall set you free."   But before that could happen I allowed my life to be controlled and manipulated between the victim role and the rebellion it birthed in me.  Rolling back and forth from submissive and compliant to noncompliant which is simply the root of rejection.  This verbal equation would be the constant of my life for at least forty eight years.  I was taught in the midst of my trials; "When the curses are gone the blessings will flow."  I couldn't find my curses as evident as they were.  They had become a way of life.  My eyes were blinded to what they saw.  For many times vanity obscured my sight, blinding my own existence and or expectation of life.  I drew in what I was.  I attracted similar spirits and blew with the wind never being in touch with my inner person.  I was in need of balance.  The pendulum would sway and cause a wild ride of life for many years until I came to understand the victim of the Crestview generations within the swirls of my mind.  I no longer needed to rebel, yet before the wisdom came, the storms were severe.  As time moved more swiftly than I realized I began to  hear the soft inner voice of God or the Spirit.  I had a line of emotional thunderstorms that would swell up and hold their own, drowning out the wisdom from that true inner voice.  The part of me that was still somewhat detached from the rest of me was growing up, yet independent and waring with my authentic self.  That part attached to others for security and a sense of love, even though a twisted sense.  I was no longer a child, crying over everything and demanding, but rather of the teenage mentality "fairy tale princess" with no castle, fickle, and looking for an external domain rather than to my own internal spirit.  Emotions wanted to lead. And the fear of abandonment held steady its ground. When I was a little girl I'd talk to myself within myself.  I would figure things out, calm myself down, comfort myself like I was my only best friend.  That voice of comfort was my emotional voice which took over my life.  It became very hard to distinguish the real inner voice from the emotional voice because the later was always looking for an answer elsewhere.  It took many years for the emotions to catch up with the mind and join the spirit as one.  But, realize from the ugliness of the generations of pain  handed down mentally to me on a silver mental platter, came the real beauty.  When this takes place, there is no limit to what we can do with our lives.  I am proud I can now hear from the inner spirit allowing me the opportunity to relay this wild ride in the form of a novel.