Gold Crown Down..................by Diane Ogden

Today was a normal day.  Well most of it anyway.  I usually fix myself a home-made hamburger on a toasted wheat bun with catsup, mustard, mayo, and one slice of Wisconsin cheese every morning.  I cool it off and place it in a non glass (plastic) container what is probably full of BPA and put it in my lunch bag.  I cut 1/4 of its end off and eat that for breakfast if anyone cares. TMI.  Well it came time to have my lunch today so I placed it in my clients microwave for 23 seconds.  Perfecto.   I took one delicious bit and then another.  That is when I felt something unfamiliar in my mouth other than my daily homemade burger.

And then an almost crunch down.  I think when we humans get a bit on the older side we tend to stop the crunch down before it happens.  Maybe its the mind thinking slower, but I caught a visualization of one of my teeth "a lose" in the midst of a mouthful of chewed burger, mayo, cheese, catsup, and mustard on a toasted wheat bun.  Not a pretty mental sight. More like a bad dream. That means I halted the crunch before it could kill any of my other pearlies.  I expelled the contents of my mouth into my hand.  OMG eewww, worse than the mental image I imagined.  Picked out the shiny large gold crown and expelled a bad word from that same mouth.
Because the next mental picture was me pushing a grocery cart under a bridge wearing rags after handing my dentist a stack of $100-$1,000 dollar bills all tied neatly with a gold bow.  Now picture that 8x10 glossy.
When I regained my senses I put the crown in a baggie and then placed the baggie in my money bag.  An appropriate placement I would say.
I was feeling sorry for myself so I emailed a friend and told her what happened.  She instantly replied that I should super glue it back to the remaining tooth it fell off of.  Seriously?  Seriously?  Now I know she is a redneck.  My GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) was screaming inside my head.  It was screaming, "Sure, super glue it you idiot.  Go ahead so it can fall off in the middle of the night and you will choke to death on it with no one around to give you the Heimlich!!"  That did it.  There will be no super gluing going on.  Maybe if I turn in all the gold teeth I have saved  (in my jewelry box) and my set of good silver ware I would have enough to fix the dang tooth.  Its only been five hours and it is cutting the underside of my sweet tougue.  The one I use a lot everyday. No sense to being angry.  It's life is all.  I started out in life getting teeth and now I am ending up loosing them.  Now if you work for a fancy corporation, who are in cahoots with the medical profession via insurance corps and you would have no problem at all.  Maybe I will super glue it after all.  Maybe I am a redneck.  Nawh. I really don't own anything that is duct taped.