"I Don't Make Noise Anymore!" and "The Turd".......by Diane Ogden

I have an acquaintance / friend who is at the age where it's a possibility that we could lose one of both of our parents.  In fact that happened to her.  She lost her precious Mother, so her precious Father  moved in with them.  The them would be her and her husband.  Some time passed and I recalled the fact that her life had changed considering her Father now lives with them.  I asked her how it was going today and she said, "Fine."  (Oookay!)  I said, "Well how do you deal with Dad in the house and you all making noise."  She said, "I don't make noise anymore!"   That was this morning and I thought about that all day off and on.  I don't make noise anymore!  Oookkkaaayy....  Could that mean the kitty's broke, or his tommy's broke, or they just play quietly, or she just lost her mojo, or what??   I haven't had time to ask yet.  Like it's none of my business and like how does one ask such a question regarding such a noise issue?  Maybe they are just happy quiet folks anymore who simply read and read some more.  Watch Dancing With the Stars, go grocery shopping and don't make any noise that the Dad can hear.  Or maybe the Dad can't hear..  I don't know.

We are not too old to make noise.  I know people making noise when they're in their 80's.  I don't want to picture that, but I know of them.  In fact I don't want to picture anyone making noise.  Enough of that.  Part II:
Today I was at a clients home.  This home is hugemongous.  I was in the downstairs 5th bathroom  checking on things when things suddenly became the largest turd I have ever seen laying in the toilet.  I just stood there for a bit thinking what I should do with it.  You may be wondering what I mean by that.  Wweeellll, if I flushed it and it didn't go down to the bowels of hell where it belonged and it instead clogged the tiny down shoot that would mean it could end up on the floor and out into the carpeted area.  Then what and how would I explain that (and that) it might would appear that it was mine.  The owners of "it"  surely wouldn't claim "it" now would they?  So there we would be in a turd claiming match.  Actually when my helper came down and asked me what I was doing?  I said, "Come here, look at that.....that person should have signed there name to that one!"   That is when I trotted, (sorry) upstairs to find a plunger to either break "it" up or save the day by saving the floor and my job.  My god what has my life come to?  Breaking other peoples turds apart for a dollar.  OMdearG!  I thought of taking a picture of it knowing no one would believe me but that was too gross.  Soooo..... you just have to take my word for it.  Why would someone do that and not flush? And how could I make something like this up. 
So until I either find a bigger one, or my friend explains what her definition of noise is:  Be Well, Be Safe, Be Happy, and Get Rich so if you cant make noise you can buy a big Hello Kitty Vibrator in case yours be broke. 
(Mybad today I know, but jeez it all really happened)