My Brand New HIDEOUS Boat Shoes that cost a zibillion! by Diane Ogden

Yes they are that big!  And I cried all the way home from the store that sold them to me.  I hate them!  Of course I know I am not supposed to say that! Chit! Cursing them surely will promote the healing of my back they are supposed to offer with a guarantee wont it? And I just woke up to post this as I wrote it yesterday and they are still under my desk waiting for me damscramit. Did I think they would disappear like a bad husband. Yup I dreamed it.
My only solice is I can return them three months from now if I chose.  I bet I chose.  Me being a feminine type woman has ever gone out for this look.  The German marathon woman look. Nope nadda.   I am only doing this so I don't end up in a wheel chair and so I can sleep at night and work a few years longer so I don't have to live under a bridge in my car with my dog and cat (imagine a litter box in my car with my pillow), dumpster diving for my everyday needs.  Shhhesssh. 
I have to take little steps, balance on the center, don't lean backwards or its trouble in the city for me.  The straps hurt the tops of my foot and the backs.  These glorious hunks of rubber from Switzerland via Germany only cost me $235.00. That would be the $money I was saving for my new TV!! That is when I threw up in my mouth. I also had to have an extra pair for when I got out of bed at night (who could bend over and strap those contraptions on at 3:00 a.m.) and for snow covered sidewalks while I carry the other pair of rubber goldmines.  That pair was only $145.00 plus one pair of socks.  The sales person must have seen thru my usual jolliness and on into my brainshock because he gave me $50 off and I had a $10.00 coupon.  Whooppie chit! I still hate them.  I asked the guy why don't I just go buy a pair of those butt ugly Sketchers that look a little worse than these for 1/3 the price.  He was a knowledgeable chap.  He knew about every pain I have and nerve and tendon and what the doctors have told me word for word.  He even knew the docs suggested I had fibromyalgia.  I DO NOT and wont ever except that one.  And he knew that Sketchers was being sued by MBT for trying to copy their product when Sketchers product does not do the same thing for the back.  I don't know why it wouldn't. Its got the same rubber rocking chair sole (SOUL) as my new boots.  I just cant stand tie shoes and this one does look a little better than the ship looking Sketcher piece of chit shoe. Am I angry.  Yup.  Sometimes I say a few too many curse words when I get angry.  Guess this is better than a cane or a wheelchair and if what the kid says is true I will be able to go walking again soon.  Hopefully with a different pair of shoes on.  I hate these MBT's!  Better not be a hoax from Germany.   Probably not, hoax's are pretty much just from China and America.