Lost My Smart Phone....... by Diane Ogden

So this isn't my mouth, but its close, minus a couple wrinkly dinkos around the edges.  I was at J.C. Penney this evening as part of my end of day errands when suddenly I realized I could not find one of my body parts... that would be my cell phone that I have discovered is definitely part of me.  Too much a part in fact. Also while at the world of mall I became hungry.  Got purchased a piece of pizza with spinach on it and what I thought was mushrooms turned out to be those other things, you know, anchovies....eeewwww! And then to top this eve off I discover I walked all about asking people if they'd seen my phone with green spinach stuck in my pearly's. That piece of spinach and I talked to a multitude of folks all over the place.  It wasn't until I readied for bed that I noticed the hunk of green between my teeth.  Not only that, but I remembered this day as the day I married one of the husbands!  There were bound to be disturbances in the atmosphere for me considering ...... And then....my loaner phone rings!  Its mummie dearest.  Someone has called her and told her they found her # on a cell phone they found at the J.C. Penney's....  whalla, my phone is on its way home. That means I have to wait for the new phone to arrive in the mail from the insurance claim I filled out with spinach in my teeth. Then hurry and call somebody to say its all OK, stop the pro-cess!  Drive to UPS or FedEx and send new phone back, drive to US Cellular and have loaner shut down and old phone reactivated...Call to get $100 deductible returned before my car insurance gets taken out of the depleted account...for the not lost smart phone.  If the darned thing was so smart why couldn't they (the phone gods) find it?  I asked them that. I told them I have that find me if I'm lost app.  You know the app that can find me if some gorgeous hunk of love steels me. (duh) Or a robber person to be more exact. The other was wishful thinking.  Cell folks said I don't have that app.  Well chit! But then the good news of the day is I found the phone connected to my body brain and bones that shouldn't have been lost anyway.  Lapse in momentary sense caused down then back up results.  Just an inconvenience is all.  Even though when I got into the Buick without my phone I went directly into trucker talk......yet.....it all worked out.  Isn't that just life?  What did I have to do besides this anyway?  I got my shower, I had dinner, took the dog out....met some people that probably will be telling about the lady with the green spinach between her teeth for at least a few hours!  God I 'm glad they don't know my name.  Glad it's not on YouTube. Glad there is a tomorrow with brushed white pearls and $100 back in the insurance account just in case I wreck on one of the other marriage anniversary dates in the year.  (Won't happen, just kiddin')  Please pray??