I Just Met Jane from India! by Diane Ogden

You know that commercial where the guy answers the tech calls? He's a flippin' American with an accent from India and says his name is Jane!  Well I now know Jane!  His name is Satish Rama something.... He was sooosooo nice and intelligent and he checked my computer like a doctor checks my watusi-v!  I gave him total control of my computer,yup.  Let him use me, you know, have access, you know, to my computer thru far away access called remote, no joke.  I did think about it for a second.  Just like my marriages duh.  Thinking longer then a second would be good.  OK, so my virus control had stopped and I wasn't sure for how long.  Just ell-gone-o!  And he was showing me via remote from INDIA why? Because I called the # given for AVAST Security.  The only problem I experienced at that point was that he was sniffing over and over gobbs of sniffing gob. I thought I was going to pueck before he got it all down!  eeeww. Seriously! Every time he started to snort the snot I quickly moved the phone away from my ear for fear I would seriously lose it.  There isn't much that upsets my gag reflex but his oatmeal going down the tube was doin' it.  Reason? I lost my antivirus I PAID some corporation for so said corporate sent me to INDIA! JANE, who was trained to SELL me something. I did catch on 3/4's way thru. I thought it was TOO nice that he was doing all that for little ole mwah her in Wisco.... so at least I give myself a tad of credit.  And I did speak up and say,
Whoa Joe, I smell a rat from India named Jane."  I said, "I am thinking you want $. And the first question I asked you was, will this cost me, and you said no!"  So bye bye Janie.  Then I said, "I will never buy AVAST anti virus again." That is when he handed me to a technician who put my Avast anti virus back on my puter of which I paid for dag gummit. Where did it go anyway? I don't know and I don't know if my puter is OK.  My son told me to buy an Apple! They don't have these INDIA issues, they don't even know Jane.  But I do!  I needed to take my dog out but couldn't because Jane was trying to sell me a $299 plan so he could come into my computer and check it regular like. REMOTE! I told Jane that I used to be in sales and I recognized his talented intent.  I thanked him for his intelligence, asked him what time it was in India....told him I had to go now.  (FOR WHAT did I thank him?)  For wasting my time omg....I have so much to do before bed and morning.  Holy Cows.  I have to take Grace out to podie.
 Goodnight Jane and better luck on the next one.  I am sooo glad I am smarter then Jane who went to college!  Although I once bought an electrolux for the price of used car..... just means I have grown wiser with age is all.  The happy news for today is I caught the thief...and it only took two hours of my life to do it.  Screw corporate Jane in India! (caution: It's comin' this way folks...$2 an hour corporate pay, food lines)