Maybe I Killed Her! by Diane Ogden

Today is New Years eve day and I worked a normal schedule but before my day began I needed to make a stop at a Bank on our Capital Square which happens to be smack downtown Madison! This being a fact also includes rush hour traffic which my son laughs at considering he is from Los Angeles. How dare I make any such comments on traffic. We basically have none here according to him.  I suppose that is true.  Nevertheless I made my way thru it to the bank. Found a parking spot directly in front, dug around for my money, two twenty's, as I needed change for the final dollars of pay for my helpers on the job later.  I hustle on into the bank, this particular bank, as I had to drop some magazines off I deliver once a month in the area, and had missed this stop due to a snow storm.  As I walk into the huge brass and glass doors I see an unkempt woman sitting in the lounging area.  I could see she was homeless and was struck by the fact the bank was allowing her to reside there, probably for the entire day.  Most business's will not allow this. I was glad to see she had a warm place to go. Most of the homeless in Madison have to walk around all day until the Church lets them back in at 5-6 p.m.  I handed the teller my $20 and got my change back...I kept the other twenty aside as I asked the teller if she thought it would be alright to give the homeless woman some money.  Why I felt I had to ask any one's permission I have no idea.  And I do know the Bible says to give and not tell anyone, yet here I am telling millions of people on my blog. Get real, only six read it anyway, and that is a good guess.  Back to point.  I leaned over and said, " I hope you can use this", as I handed her the twenty dollar bill.  Actually it didn't seem to register to her what I had handed her, or I suspect she thought it was a dollar. Suddenly I heard a guttural laugh and as she opened her mouth to do so I saw she had lost most of her top and bottom front teeth.  She was so shocked and happy she was still making noises as I exited the bank.  I really didn't need that twenty.  She did, or did she?  As I drove away with a few tears in my eyes from seeing such a sight and maybe from my own sweet appraisal of my good deed. Yes I remember what the good book says... hey I have a point, hang on.  I drive another block and recall her guttural voice. The voice of a heavy smoker and drinker.  I thought to myself, "You rum-dumb, you just may have killed that woman."  She probably bought some cigarettes, a bottle and got drunk.  If so the Church won't let her in at 5-6 p.m. which means she could freeze to death overnight after the booze wears off.  Well, I gave with good intent and felt led to therefore if the old girl croaks because of my gift of money, then she is probably happier than sitting in that bank all day long bored, and sleeping in the church all night.  R I P old girl.  But then again, she may have bought some hot soup and a brownie..... ya right!