Margarita Talks!... by Diane Ogden

"The Naughty Pinada "

It was one of my clients 40th birthday party. I was asked to help organize and host it with her. Actually I think I was her base of "moral" support. Take note of the word moral as it goes out the window as the evening passes. The caterer came from a local Mexican restaurant with the distinct smell of alcohol breath. Nice man in his 60's but....full of the booze! The gentleman of the house, a duly noted lawyer, commented that he would be drinking too if he had to drive around Madison on a Saturday night delivering for Qboda Mexican Resturant. Then a big deal of drama was directed at the Chips. One large bag for 30 people. B-day girl was sure we would run out. Ended up we had half a bag left but ran out of Rice which she only ordered last minute. We got the margarita glasses all popped together. You know those plastic champagne kind? Beer was in the tubs, food and drinking delivery driver and his breath out the door.... Then the people begin arriving. I was introduced to all of them of which I immediately forgot their names but never forgot their words as the night passed on. Lovely decorations, one came with a naughty pinata full of wondrous little items. I found B-day girl on the ground outside stuffing her cute little size 2 or 4 dress with condoms, heated lubricants, dog collars as well as many other women scrounging about the grass. (Like they never "got any.") I must say I was glad to be the photographer of this, this event vs one of the conspicuous grasper's of "rubbers" in the grass. (Can you picture that 8 x 10 glossy?)There were four milk gallon jugs of very strong margarita's and two tubs of beer. Within an hour after drinks began, people's conversations got louder and less meaningful. After another hour the men gravitated to the porch with their lawyer doctor stories. One woman pediatrician stuck with all the other tipsy degree'd women in the kitchen. Then there was the one pregnant sober woman, in fact her and I were the only sober ones left! The crowd consisted of many stay at home Mom's, one scrap booking Queen, two disgruntled wives, make that three, one being a city council woman who shouts intimidating sarcastic remarks to people for no reason .... all hovering in the small kitchen area. I heard stories! And the F bomb! B-day girl is in love or lust with her children's pediatrician Dr. Blume and is sure he will leave his wife and three children just for her. I think it was a joke?? Not sure what she will do with her husband and two children barely 20 feet away! I am sure it was the eight margaritas and several vodka cranberry shots that brought up her zen for the missing doc! Then there is Emily, who is a singer and married to a gorgeous hunk of a human man from the Aussie continent. When they walked in it was like movie stars had hit the scene. And then out comes the stories. He travels, cant stand his three children when he gets home. Let me mention the one man standing in the kitchen with all the women......Emily pulls up her shirt which exposes at least a six pack and then pulls down her bra to expose nothing. She is breastless! She didn't expose all of her nothings but all we could see were ribs.... I am laughing along with everyone else and very glad I forgot to take that picture. The guy next to me says she does this at every party. And his wife next to him had double E's. Ain't it funny how it goes? The breastless woman had more confidence than all of us. Not! Appearances are deceiving for sure... she commented on taking TWO Xanax that day. Well no wonder she was hanging on to whatever she could find as she walked. Drink and Xanax. duh. I was twenty years older than most of them. So what did I see? Carrying on with life best they can with what they know, taking pills and telling stories, bitching, complaining and fence jumping for greener grass (newer and better loves??). Most of the time they find their heads wrapped in the barbed wire while reaching for stars in the grass on the other side. Me, I just took pictures and wished for another chance at a family like all those unhappy ones. Birthday girl is a lucky woman.... and a good Mom and wife. Well not so sure on the last one.... Tequila brings out the truth and kills the manners of the best of us. Actually they all had a really fun time! Best part is I will get some jobs out of this deal! They liked me, they really liked me! (Oscars, Sally Fields)